there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
