You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious