What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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