Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The uberlube is also flammable
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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