Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
