the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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