i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
