My nipple is on Facebook.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
