Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
