I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
