i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize