my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
