I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just tell him i said nine months
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
