Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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