the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
