I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
