It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
