I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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