So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
