yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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