he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
