Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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