Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
