There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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