meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
