I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
