I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
