She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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