I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
