I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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