I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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