God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
