ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
