God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
