We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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