i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
