hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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