so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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