it's too hot outside to masturbate.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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