... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
