Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
