Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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