8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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