3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
