youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My first STD was from a foam party
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
