MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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