Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
