it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
