You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
