drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
