Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
