Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
