new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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