Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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