Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
