So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
