the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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