I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
