oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize