Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
