New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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