my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
