oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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