So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i can't believe i had my finger in that
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
