Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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