We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
