well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
