i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
