Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
