apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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