I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
