Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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