he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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