Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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