the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
