ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
