your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
