Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
